


Mercy.

by Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Some Angst.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 02:20:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9471128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter/pseuds/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter
Summary: You are with Jax, but it turns out that both of your hearts belong to someone else.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you like it! <3

Being with someone you know isn't the one for you is complicated. You want so much for it to work out, for them to be what you need, for you to feel like you are what they want. It hurts, it sucks, and it makes you feel like shit. I would know, that's my life right now. I had been with Jax Teller for about six months now and it had never fully felt right. There were parts of myself that he never saw and I knew that he hid a part of himself from me too. It wasn't anyone's fault, we just were both afraid of being lonely I think. Tara hadn't come back to town yet and I really thought that Jax was what I wanted. He is kind, sweet, and loyal to a fault but in my heart I knew that he wasn't the one for me. I wanted to be wrong, to be what he needed in a relationship but I just am not. I'm not her. Tara Knowles. The one that got away, left him heart broken all those years ago, but came back about three months ago. She was around the club house a lot even though she hated the Sons and what they stand for. I sighed and waved my hand at Half-sack, motioning for another shot. I knew that I probably shouldn't have it but I was having a pity party and I was ok with that. Jax and I had just had yet another fight about something that wasn't even the problem. We both were feeling the strain of our relationship these days. I was sitting at the bar in the club house, watching Jax talk with Tara, she had shown up to patch up one of the guys and hadn't left yet. He was hanging on here very word, his blue eyes warm and his hand across the back of her chair. He looked so happy and she kept laughing and blushing at him. They looked like they should be in their honey moon, not like friends. Jax told me that a few weeks ago when I asked about her. _"We're just friends baby. I am with you, and only you."_ I scoffed and downed my shot, ordering another.  
"You alright darlin'?" I heard and I looked away from Jax to see Tig sitting by me. I hadn't even heard the stool move. I knocked back my shot and shrugged.   
"Yeah, living the dream." I muttered and saw him frown.  
"Wanna talk about it?" He asked and I looked back at Jax and felt my eyes sting. "He never looks at me like that Tig. He will _never_ look at me like that. No one will." Tig and I had gotten closer since Jax and I had drifted apart. He was always at the club house and since I lived there I saw him more then I saw Jax. If we were being honest, I was developing feelings for Tig, which wasn't fair because he was Jax's brother, it wouldn't work. I had opened up to him about a lot of things, and in some ways he knew me better than anyone. We ran on the same wavelength, as twisted as that is. I felt a warm arm wrap around my shoulders and pull me into a hug. My heart fluttered at the contact, he is so warm and being in his arms felt so nice.  
"A part of him will always be in love with her Y/N. You know that as well as I do. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love you too." I shrugged and leaned against him.  
"I don't know. I just want to be good enough for someone Tigger." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the side of my head, making me smile gently.   
"You are too good Y/N." I scoffed and shook my head, enjoying the feeling of being near him.   
"What's going on here?" Tig and I both looked up at Jax. He looked mad and I just shrugged as Tig answered.   
"Just hugging a friend." Tig let me go and I frowned at the loss of contact. Jax was looking at me with angry eyes and I sighed. _Here we go again._  
"Can we talk?" Jax demands as he tugs me off my stool and to my dorm room.  
"Sure. Lets go right now." I muttered and Tig sent me a sad smile. Jax led me into the room and slammed the door before he turned to face me.   
"What are you doing?" He asked and I frowned.  
"Tig told you, he hugged me." Jax scoffed and I saw the anger on his face.  
"You never let me hug you like that, and that smile you had? I've never fucking seen that!" He yelled and I rolled my eyes at him.   
"You wanna talk about things that we have never seen? Fine! You've never looked at me the way you look at Tara!" His eyes flashed and I knew that I should stop but I was to far gone. "Besides, how would you know how I was smiling, you couldn't tear your eyes away from her! Don't act all upset when its just that. A fucking act."   
"How I look at Tara is none of your business." He told me in a cold tone and I let out a cold laugh.  
"That's all you're gonna say? It should be my business, I am the one you're with after all." I shook my head at him and he stepped into my personal space, making me back up until I hit the wall. "Tara has hurt you so much and you still fucking look at her like the sun shines out of her ass!" I shouted at him and shoved him lightly. His face went cold and he shouted back at me.   
"Because she fucking treats me like I need to be treated! She isn't afraid to let me in, afraid to love me back!" His fist flashed out and hit right where my face would've been if I hadn't moved. We both froze and I gaped at him, he had never gotten violent before and I knew that he didn't mean to.   
"You look at her the way that I have dreamed of having someone look at me my whole life." I whispered in the now silent room. "I- I'm done fighting with you for tonight." I went into the bathroom to take a shower and I let myself sit on the cold tiles and cry. How had we become this? I had never felt scared of him before but now I felt like I might be. I changed into some pajamas and stepped into my room, freezing when I see Jax sitting on my bed. He looked as lost as I felt and I knew that this was going to be the end.  
"It's not working anymore is it?" He asked in a soft voice, his elbows on his knees and his face running down his face.   
"I don't think so. I think that our hearts are with other people." He looked at me and gave me a sad smile.   
"I tried to be good for you F/N. I really did." I shook my head and waled over to him. I reached out and ran my hand over his hair, memorizing the texture for the last time.   
"I tried to be normal for you, to be what you deserve." He frowned and looked up at me, trapping my hand against his hair.  
"I never wanted you to be normal, I just wanted you to be happy, I wanted to make you happy." It was my turn to give him a sad smile.  
"I want you to be happy too and we both know that your heart, your whole heart is with her. She's in your soul and heart in a way that I never could be." I watched his face turn to anguish as he nodded at me.   
"I'm so sorry Y/N. I... I wish things were different."   
"Me too." I was quiet for a minute. "What happens now?" He sighed and stood up.  
"Nothing, you still love here, I don't want you to leave. You don't need to." I nodded and he kissed me on the forehead. "I really am sorry." I nodded again and tears welled up as he walked out the door. The click was deafening in the silent room. I curled up in my bed and let the feeling of hurt run its course. I knew that it was for the best but it still fucking hurt and I wasn't going to ignore that. I stayed up thinking about how things could've been with us if we were right for each other but I couldn't see it. I only ended up thinking of Tig each time.


	2. Chapter 2

I had been away from the club house for a few days, helping out at Cara Cara and doing shit for Gemma. Luann needed someone to organize her storage locker and she picked me, so I spent from morning until night there. I would sneak back into the dorms through the back and it worked out really great for a few days. I heard tapping on my door at about 2 in the morning and I frowned as I answered it.   
"Hey." Tig muttered as he ran a hand over his hair. My heart skipped a beat and I smiled at him.  
"Hi."   
"I heard what happened with you and Jax, is it my fault? I- I can talk to him?" He looked so guilty that I reached out and took his hand.  
"No Tig, we both knew it wasn't working anymore. I wasn't the one he wanted, I don't make him feel like she does and I never did. No matter how much I tried." I tugged him into my room and sat with him on the bed.   
"Did he make you happy?"   
"To be honest, it never fully felt right. He is a great man but not the one for me." I looked at Tig and he had an intense look on his face.   
"So you're not heart broken?" I shook my head at him and he seemed relieved.   
"I'm sad that it didn't work but I am glad he's happy." I gave him a long look "He is with her right? That's why you came here to check on me?" He nodded and I gave him one back. "I'm fine Tig. Thanks for checking in on me, you're always there when I need you." I leaned in and kissed his cheek. He looked at me and I knew that he felt it too, that pull. I waited to see what he was going to do.   
"I can't You were Jax's and I just can't." He stood up and paced away from me.   
"Tig we aren't together anymore. He moved on and I want to as well. I don't know what I feel for you but there is something and I know you feel it too." His face shut down and he shook his head as he walked to the door.   
"I don't. I don't know what you're talking about, and this." He motioned between us. "This would never work. It'd be a mistake, cause problems with the club that I don't need." I felt my heart break and I just nodded, clenching my jaw so that I wouldn't cry.   
"I see. Uh forget I said anything." I muttered looking at the floor in mortification and sadness. I heard the door click shut and I let myself cry. Damn this week can't fucking cut me a break can it? _God this is me begging you to have some mercy on me. I can't take anymore sadness._  
  
I made some big decisions in a short amount of time, I was getting a different job and moving out of TM, well out of Charming as well. I had a lot of money saved up and had already found a small place. It was a cute little two bedroom place with a lot of windows. I had a job interview later today at a bar and grill and I knew that I needed to get my life on track. I was bringing moving boxes in through the back when Chibs popped up and scared me.   
"What's all this?" He asked and I just looked away from him.   
"Doing some organizing is all." He frowned and shook his head at me.   
"Running. That's what you're doing."  
"Just because I want to move out, doesn't mean I'm running." I muttered as I walked to my room with him trailing behind me.   
"Tig told me what happened and I know that you're hurt over it-"  
"I'm not. I made the mistake of seeing what I wanted to see, something that wasn't there and only one sided. I'm not hurt, I'm humiliated." I started assembling the boxes and putting shit in them in no real order.   
"Y/N. Tig does care for you darlin'-" I cut him off and shook my head.  
"I know that. I do. We're friends or whatever."   
"Then why hasn't he seen you this week or the week before?"  
"I'm giving it some time for the air to clear between us." I tried to shrug it off and Chibs gave me a look. "If you're not going to help me move on then get out of my way Chibs. I need to be somewhere where people want me. I have been dumped by one son and had my heart crushed by another so please, _please_ just let me do what I feel is best for me." He gave me an understanding look and left me alone to pack. It didn't take long to get my truck loaded. I left my room key and a note for Gemma on her desk. I knew that leaving town was a bad idea but I figured Oakland was a good place to start over, I wouldn't run into a son every time I left the house. It didn't take me long to get the truck unloaded and to find what I wanted to wear for my interview. The owner was a nice lady and she made sure that I knew this was a place where I wouldn't be sexually harassed or made to feel like a piece of meat. I really liked her and the grill was nice, homey. I had been working there for a few weeks before I saw a son wander in, Gemma, Juice and Chibs came to visit me. I smiled and headed over to seat them.   
"Hey stranger." Gemma called out and I grinned at her.   
"Hey ma." I led them to a table in my section and handed them menus. "What can I get you to drink?" I wrote their orders and went to get them, telling my boss I was taking a break to visit for a few minutes. They all gave me a hard time at the fact that I had changed since I left. I dyed my hair auburn and had started wearing darker makeup. Gemma and I talked about getting together later this week and Chibs brought up Tig, which made me frown at him.   
"He misses you, doesn't know how to find you."  
"I'm not hiding from him Chibs."  
"You didn't tell him where you were going Y/N." Juice said and I shrugged.   
"I only told Gemma where I was going and look at that, there are two sons right here! I'm shocked." I rolled my eyes and Gemma laughed at me.   
"I'll tell him you miss him too sweetheart." I nodded at her and shook my head at her when she reached for the check.   
"It's on me mama, come back anytime you guys." They nodded, kissed my cheek and left. I don't know why I felt guilty, I didn't do anything wrong. I headed home after my shift and thought about calling Tig, but decided that it would just end up hurting me so I took a bath instead.  
Things were uneventful for a few more weeks, no more visits from sons. I did however meet a few of the Mayans, they came in for a meal and thankfully didn't recognize me since I changed my hair color. I didn't mention that to any of the Sons, they would never leave me alone after that. I did get asked out on a date, not with a Mayan thankfully, but with a nice guy names Jake. He has brown hair and kind eyes, and we have a date set for my next night off.


	3. Chapter 3

"I am so sorry Jake!" I apologized for the fifth time and he just shook his head and laughed.   
"It's fine Y/N. Really." My piece of shit truck had decided that it was going to stall out and die right in the middle of our date. I had called the only people that I knew would help me. I was seated in a tow truck between a tense Juice and Jake who was oblivious to the whole thing, heading back to TM. I felt the dread building up the whole way there. "So you know the people who own the garage Y/N?" Jake asked and Juice snickered.   
"Yeah. I used to live there actually. The motorcycle club owns the lot and have a club house on the premises." I replied and he nodded.   
"That's interesting." I nodded and nudged Juice who had rolled his eyes. "Why did you live there?" I frowned and sighed.   
"I am friends with the club and had no where to go, they helped be out by letting me stay."   
"Oh." He dropped it and I was grateful for that.   
"Club party tonight." Juice muttered and I grimaced.   
"Really?" He nodded and I wished that God would just strike me down now. Save me from this whole shit storm. unfortunately we pulled into the parking lot unscathed and Jake helped me climb out of the truck. Juice opened the office and told me we could wait in there while he looked at my truck. He ran into the clubhouse and I led Jake into the office. We were drinking coffee a half hour later when Juice called me out to the garage. I grimaced as I saw Jax, Opie and Tig standing there.   
"Whats up Juice?" I asked ignoring the guys.  
"Where the hell have you been?" Tig asked in a soft tone and I looked at him.   
"Working, Oakland." He frowned and Jax stepped up to hug me.   
"You look good baby girl, love the hair." I smiled softly and Opie hugged me next, lifting me off the ground. Jake coughed and we all turned to him.   
"Guys this is Jake. Jake this is Jax, Opie, and Tig." Jax and Opie shook his hand, Tig just stared at me. "What Tig?" I snapped and he narrowed his eyes at me.   
"Outside. Now." He stormed off and I just shook my head.   
"What's wrong with my truck?" I asked Juice and he gaped at me.  
"Aren't you gonna?"  
"Nope."   
"Were you and Tig together?" Jake asked me and I looked at him with a sad smile.  
"No, he didn't want me." I replied and he just nodded, not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry this is weird for you."  
"No, it's fine. I just don't want you to get hurt." I nodded and turned to Juice.   
"It needed a new hose, I fixed it up and you can go-" He smiled at me. "After you come say hi to the rest of the guys." I grimaced and looked at Jake.   
"I'll be right back."   
"I'll come with you." He offered and I sighed internally.   
"Ok." I nodded and took his hand as we headed into the club house. _This was going to be a nightmare._ Tig was sitting at the bar seething when we walked in but I ignored him and went around saying hi to the guys, getting hugs and kisses from everyone. Gemma made her way to me and smiled at me.  
"You're brave bringing the fresh meat here." She murmured in my ear.   
"Truck died, I had no choice." She nodded. "We should be going now."  
"No, stay. Have a drink, dance." She smirked and Jake nodded.   
"That would be fun, if you want to." He told me and I gave a tight smile.  
"Ok. If you're sure." We got a few drinks and sat at the pool table with Opie, Happy, and Juice. I was playing with Juice and not really watching Jake. He stumbled up to me about twenty minutes later and I grimaced at the way his breath smelled.  
"Lets dance baby." He slurred and I groaned.  
"Are you drunk?" I asked incredulously.  
"No, just having some fun. Lets dance." He tugged me onto the dance floor and I just went with it. He was a fun dancer, until he got handsy. I was moving his hands off my ass for the fourth time when I told him to stop. "C'mon, you lived here, clearly you aren't a prude." I frowned and looked up at him.  
"What?"   
"You were a biker whore right? That's why they let you stay?" I stepped back but he grabbed my butt and hauled me against him. I struggled and then I was jerked away from him and Tig had Jake on the floor, beating him.   
"Tig." I called him. "Tig!" Nothing, still hitting Jake. "Alexander Trager! Fucking stop it!" I yelled at him and he looked up at me with a black look on his face. He saw me and it changed to something else before he stood up.   
"Are you ok?" He asked me and I nodded.   
"What the hell was that?" I asked stooping down next to my bleeding date. He was knocked out and I sighed.  
"He was touching you."   
"So?" I glared up at him and then I noticed that the club house was empty except for the three of us.   
"I didn't like it Y/N." I scoffed and turned away from him.   
"You have no reason not to like it, we're just friends."   
"Friends? Really? You ran and didn't even tell me where you were for two months!" He yelled and I whipped around to look him in the eye.   
"You told me you didn't want me! That you felt nothing after I had told you that I had feelings for you! First Jax dumped me and then you broke my heart. I had to leave to heal Tig." His eyes went soft and he stepped closer to me to cup my face.   
"I never said I didn't love you, I said that it wouldn't work between us." I rolled my eyes and tried to pull away from him. "No, listen, I wanted you to have better, to be with someone that isn't a monster." I frowned at him.  
"A monster?"  
"You think that I don't know what I am? I know that I am a monster every time that I look in the mirror. I know what I am and I own that but I wasn't going to drag you down with me." I reached up and ran my hand through his hair until he looked at me.   
"I know what you are Tig, what you do. You're not a monster you just have some quirks." He chuckled and I sighed.   
"What happens now?" He asked me and I smiled at him.   
"Well, first we have to take Jake to the hospital because you probably broke his nose. Then I don't know. What do you want to happen?" I asked him and he smirked at me.   
"I could take you home?" I nodded and he leaned down to kiss me. It felt like coming home. Kissing Tig felt like the mercy that I had been waiting for my whole life and I was so glad that it had finally been granted to me.


End file.
